i am not home yet.

why i love c.s lewis (from the last battle):

Perhaps you will get some idea of it if you think like this.
You may have been in a room in which there was a window that looked out on a lovely bay of the sea or a green valley that wound away among the mountains. And in the wall of that room opposite to the glass there may have been a looking glass. And the sea in the mirror, or the valley in the mirror, were in one sense just the same as the real ones: yet at the same time they were somehow different — deeper, more wonderful, more like places in a story: in a story you have never heard but very much want to know.
The difference between the old Narnia and the new Narnia was like that. The new one was a deeper country: every rock and flower and blade of grass looked like it meant more. I can't describe it any better than that: if you ever get there you will know what I mean. It was the unicorn who summed up what everyone was feeling. He stamped his right fore-hoof on the ground and neighed, and then cried:
"I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now. The reason why we loved the old Narnia so much is because it sometimes looked a little like this. (ch. 15)

"...The dream is ended: this is the morning." And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them.
And for us this is the end of all stories, and we can most truly say they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was only the beginning of the real story.
All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before. (ch. 16)

i can't wait.

across oceans, looking at zion.

this site is blowing me away. really. such inspiration, so many amazing things. i read over everything last night and the concept is just beautiful.

i had this incredible two hour conversation last night, and by the end my mind was full of so many things. i was so encouraged to hear someone's testimony. it never gets old, hearing how God has shown his power and his mercy and seeing Him work in their lives. i love that.
but then so much more! so much beauty, so many amazing things that people are doing in God's strength and with the gifts He has given them. this conversation challenged and encouraged and inspired me so much. i drove over the harbour bridge just rejoicing and praising God for how wonderful He is.

i have had such little sleep in the last few nights that i am only half existing, weaving in and out of consciousness and feeling overwhelmed a lot. i need to be more disciplined because i want to be the kind of teacher who constantly loves and challenges her students... not a lazy, tired, irritable teacher.


there are more things i could say (aren't there always?) but i will stop talking to you now, and start talking to my creator, because that is more joy and privilege than i can explain.

reaching out towards eternity.

church tonight was a wonderful reminder of questions i need to ask and be asked.
like do i talk more about what jesus has done for me than about jesus himself?
because as i grow in the spirit i should see jesus as bigger and myself as smaller.
am i more captivated by what i see in jesus, or by my own experience of seeing it?

this restlessness in me that demands a spiritual refreshment is just a hunger to know him more. and i do that through reading and praying. how will i ever know more about jesus if my bible remains shut?
i should be dissatisfied with the world and current circumstances, but i shouldn't be longing for a spiritual experience that bypasses my own time spent speaking to and listening to jesus.


these things are so true.


and this: God could not have been better to me. ever. in any circumstance. at any time. in any experience. he has always done the best thing. always.


i came on here wanting to write about other things, little things. but perhaps i will save them for tomorrow. these truths carry so much weight, and i want to feel them.